Please Don't Be My Valentine?
by Kuneko
Summary: Dan, the ladies man, deals with tons of chocolate and jealous bachelors on Valentines' Day, but can Eve, the lusty barmaid help him out? Oneshot!


"Please Don't Be My Valentine?"

- By KuroNeko

Disclaimer: No, as much as I would've loved, I do not own Harvest Moon: Magical Melody or any of the characters that may appear in this fanfiction.. It is owned by Natsume and Marvelous Interactive. I'm just borrowing their game's elements for my fic. Afterall, that's all it is. Fanfiction!

Author's Note: So this is in Dan's PoV, so no one gets confused... Since I did an Eve PoV one, I might as well do a Dan one. Anyway, it's a oneshot about how a bunch of girls give Dan valentines' gifts and Eve gets jealous and commits suicide...

...No, I was just joking XD! I wouldn't kill off Eve. But that's still about the gist of it. It's not as suggestive as my last fic, more of a Humorous one. So don't take it too seriously. Enjoy :D

BEFORE READING: Keep in mind that this was made pre-release of Magical Melody. There may be some incorrect information, or some japanese names still in there. Such as, Cafe Kalaui is the japanese name of Cafe Callaway. Just so you don't get confused ;; Also a warning - I am not responsible for any sudden cravings of chocolate:O

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Ah, the fourteenth of Winter. A scary, scary day to most men, but not myself. The sacred day that I wait for all year 'round has finally arrived... St. Valentines' Day. I woke up bright and early, dressed in my usual casual clothes (Didn't want to look too desperate, right?) and fixed my hair in front of the mirror. Flashing a smile at my mirror image, I couldn't wait to get out into town. _Damn, I'm hot._ I thought to myself, adjusting my shirt and tightening my crimson-red bandana. I brushed my teeth quickly and grabbed a piece of toast from a stack that Ronald had already prepared. I ran out into the wintery village I lived in - Flowerbud Village.

There was ice on the ground, as the snow had already begun melting. There wasn't a single person in the village to be seen. It must have been too early, already. Yet - Why did I get the odd feeling that I was being _watched_...? I strolled along casually, my hands pressed against the back of my head. I walked around for a little while, waving to the older villagers who had already stepped out for a breath of fresh, morning air. Deciding to visit my favourite citizen of Flowerbud Village, I headed towards the Moonlight Inn & Bar, a bar owned by Wayne and Dean respectively. That's when the oddness began... as I reached to open the door to the bar, I saw Carl, a guy who worked there, trip and fall out from behind the side of the building. Things only got weirder when I saw three or four tomatoes fall from out of no where and splatter all over Carl's neatly curled head. Carl groaned and Kurt stumbled out from behind them, with a basket which had, I guessed, formerly held some tomatoes.

"What the _hell _was that about? And why the _hell _are you two hiding behind the bar?" I said, raising an eyebrow. Carl tried to wipe the squished tomatoes out of his golden locks and Kurt just laughed innocently. "Dammit, Kurt, now what are we supposed to.. Eheh.." Carl said, getting up. "We were just..." Kurt started.

"Uhh, Delivering them too..."

"Terry!"

"Martha!" They both said in unison.

My eyebrow twitched at their painfully obvious lie. "Whatever," I said. I turned back to the door and reached out to grab it, when I was interrupted by a muffled voice from inside the building.

"So you haven't seen him, then...?" said the voice, obviously a female.

"Nope, and besides, why should _I _know where the sleazeball is all the time?" said a familiar voice, again female.

"Well, thanks anyway, Eve -- ARGH!" The door opened and smacked me in the face, the offender shrieking in surprise.

"Ouch..." I said, rubbing my nose. I looked up at the girl and realised it was Gwen, a tomboyish blonde. However, my eyes suddenly seemed to shift to what was in her hands - a red, heart-shaped box. She caught my eye and blushed furiously, hiding the box behind her back. What the hell...? Since when did _Gwen _blush!

"I...Idiot! Don't stand in front of the door like that!" she said, smacking me on the back of my head as I got up.

"Oh, and... erm... I happened to find these chocolates and well.. No one wanted them and I thought that you would... urgh... Umm, ohwell,gottagobye!" yelled Gwen, thrusting the box into my chest and running off. I stood there surprised for a few seconds, then turned to see the bitter looks of Kurt and Carl. I was starting to get the feeling about what this was all about, but then It hit me. I had been given chocolate from Gwen! Whoohoo! Score one for Dan! I opened the box, the chocolates a bit smudged, and popped one into my mouth, making sure Kurt and Carl saw.

"Well Gentlemen," I said in a mock respect tone, "I will be off." and with that, I walked off to go to the town square.

Eating the chocolates one by one, I strolled into Town Square casually, spotting Theodore and some other villagers. I strutted along, with the sinking feeling of victory which was due to the fact that Gwen, the perfect-in-figure blonde tomboy had given me chocolate. This would _deffinitely _be something to gloat about later to the guys.

I walked along, occasionally looking in back of me, making sure Kurt and Carl weren't following me. However, as I turned his head slowly, I saw a figure skuttle away behind a building. So I _was _being followed. By who, however, I had no idea. It didn't seem like Kurt, since the figure was much less built and slimmer, and Carl was way too clumsy to dash out of sight like that.

I decided to have some fun with my little stalker. I decided to throw him off. I walked where no man had ever gone - usually because it was so boring. It was the dreaded building... the Library! (Insert dramatic music here.). Of course, the little innocent Library of Flowerbud Village never seemed to supply the ... er... magazines I required.

I swung the door open and walked on in, seeing a blue-haired girl with her face buried in a book look up. She blushed furiously, a shade to rival the velvet cover of her thick-looking book. I grinned seductively, perhaps 'cause I was feeling overconfident with the whole Gwen incident. I walked towards her, running a hand through my hair as I did so. She may be a prude, but in the right ... er... clothing, I'm sure she'd look fine.

"So Maria," I said, lowering my face towards her so our noses were only an inch away. "Whatcha readin'?" I said, grabbing the huge novel from her, and staring at a page. She blushed again. "Oh, it's nothing, just umm... a book."

My eyes scanned the page carefully and I tried to read it... Man, why must books contain... words! And such.. big words! I tried to read aloud.

"The girl walked through the ... blizzard, the gale and ... icy wind whipping at her face like... a blade was.. piercing...? her skin... She stumbled upon... a box with a miniscule... puppy in it..." I stopped there and laughed innocently. "Eheheh, Sounds... er, Interesting!" I said, but realised Maria wasn't listening. she had dove behind her desk, only the top of her blue head visible. I saw her emerge from behind it, holding a small box wrapped in red paper and tied with a gold ribbon.

She moved towards me, blushing like mad. As she moved towards me, I could've swore we we were being watched.

Suddenly, a thin black line had dropped from the second floor. The line, mysteriously, had a hook on it. It was swinging back and forth, as if trying to clutch the present. I took hold of the thin wire and gave it a small tug, when I heard a yell and saw a blue tight-wearing brown-haired fisherman fly from the second floor's banister and land on top of Maria, clutching a fishing rod. Wow, sometimes I really don't know my own strength.

I identified the body on top of Maria as Leif, and also as the stalker who was following me here. Why that little... trying to mess up my moment with Maria! He got up, dusting himself off, leaving Maria on the floor with a bump on her head. She got up, her eyes glistening with tears, holding a smushed red box.

"L... Leif! You ruined my... my chocolate!" She said, her voice cracking. Leif didn't seem to care, however.

"Hah! See that Dan! If I can't have Maria's chocolate, then NO one can! And that is the motto of the great girl hunter, Leif! I may be able to catch fish well, but women can't resist my line either! Bwahahhaaha!" Leif went on raving like an idiot. I was slightly amused by the guy's ego, yet also felt sorry for Maria, who was in the process of yelling at him.

When Maria had stopped yelling, she turned to me. "Oh, I'm so sorry Dan. Those were chocolates for you but... since I can't give you them..." she blushed furiously and moved towards me, giving me a soft kiss on the cheek. I grinned at the look on Leif's stunned face, torn between defeat and jealousy. I hugged Maria and stuck my tongue out at Leif from behind her back.

"Don't worry about it, my dear Maria. It is the thought that counts! You are as beautiful as a single flower glistening in the snow of winter!" I said triumphantly, trying to milk this moment for as much as I could. The look on Leif's face was just too priceless. If only I had my video camera.

Suddenly, I had renewed faith for this Library. It may not have the necessities a young man needs, but it sure has one hot Librarian! I grinned to myself, as I left the Library, Leif shouting random threats at me in the background.

Just as I left the Library, a building immediately caught my attention. It was Heartful Lyla's shop, appropriately named by the pink-haired owner, Lyla. A small crowd was bustling around the small shop, and even a few balloons were tied to the roof, all pink and red. I walked over there to see what the commotion was about. It seemed they were having a sale on Valentines Day-themed items. I pushed and shoved my way to the top of the line, waving to Lyla and, another pink-haired girl standing next to her - Nina.

"Like, _oh my god!_ It's Dan!" shrieked Nina, in a preppy voice. "Ooooh my! So it is! Hiya, Dan!" said Lyla, in a somewhat lower-pitched voice.

"The two of us have banded together for this Valentines' Day Sale!"

"We're selling flowers from my shop, bouquets for your loved one!"

"It's the ultimate Valentines Day sale, sweetie! Buy some now before they sell out! We even have orders coming in from other villages like Mineral Town and Forget Me Not Valley!"

The girls seemed to be excited. I examined the flowers, a mix of fragrances and colours.

"It certainly is.. impressive." I said, sniffing a pink flower. "Erm, how much is a bouquet?" I asked, a sudden imaginary light-bulb appearing above my head.

"One flower is only 40 G, but a bouquet is 120 G!" Nina said, like totally excited. I pulled out my pouch and took out a handsome sum of two hundred and forty gold. "I'll take two, if I may, ladies." I said. They both squealed in excitement and thrust two neatly wrapped bouquets towards me, both tyed with pink ribbons. How very... pink.

As I bought them, I turned around, as if to leave, then turned back to the girls. "Oh, and before I leave..." I said, grinning charmingly. "These are for you." I gave them each a bouquet. They squealed in excitement, literally leaped over their counter (surprising a few of the townsfolk at the same time) and tackle-hugged me. It was okay, It's not like I needed those bones or anything... ow.

"Oh Danny-wanny-manny-poo!" Nina said, nuzzling my arm. Lyla embraced me, surprisingly strong for her size. As much as I enjoyed this particular harem, I felt awkward with all those customers suddenly putting a pause to their chatting and turning their heads to see me being "huggled" by two young women.

"Th-Thanks, girls..." I said, getting up, now smelling like a flower garden. I walked off in the opposite direction, before a pair of men jumped out at me, as if to be menacing. The two _nerds _of the town, Louis and Parsley were panting as they tried to glare at me.

"I ... I saw you trying to.. trying to seduce my gi... girl!" said Parsley, in between his many huffs and puffs.. Suppressing the urge to chuckle, I tried to justify my actions.

"If anything, they seduced me, okay! Heck, I wouldn't even call it seducing, it was more like... fondling, if anything." I said, reflecting on what just happened.

Louis tried to look menacing. "That's... That's right! I'll get... you... Oh crap, I think I have my asthma..." Louis said, hands on his knees. He began searching his many pockets for his asthma pump.

"We'll get you!" they yelled in unison, charging towards me. For a slight moment there I felt a flicker of fear within me, then remembered that these were Parsley and Louis we were dealing with. I snorted with laughter as they tried to pummel me, getting no where and simply tiring themselves out.

I laughed openly in front of them when they were panting on the ground. Parsley got up. "Your.. your endurance is impenitrable! Amazing but... I've studied your weakness, Dan! I've got you now!" Parsley said, swiftly kicking me in the... Oh god.

My eyes stung with tears, my stomach seemed to tie itself into a painful knot, and I fell over, cross-legged, trying to deal with the excruciating pain which was being kicked in the crotch. It just HAD to be worse considering It had damaged my pride as well, being beaten by a pair of nerds!

Ouch. I staggered towards the clinic, not expecting any... well, ethical treatment on my region from Gina (despite how much I would enjoy that..) but just a soft bed would be good for now. I cringed in pain as I walked towards there, slowly recovering, and opened the door freely to the clinic. I walked in, seeing Martha smiling pleasantly as ever. I requested a bed and she pointed me in the direction of ... the bed Dia was sleeping on.

"Umm... Martha, are you going senile... or blind? Dia's sleeping there right now!" I said, my mind suddenly filling with unpure thoughts.

"I know, lad, but think about it.. some Valentines' Day fun never hurt anyone!" she said, winking. Creepy perverted old woman. What's creepier is she was thinking exactly what I was.

"On second thought, maybe I'll just go lie down at home..." I said, turning to leave.Martha stopped me, however.

"Wait... Gina wanted me to give you this." she said, digging out a box of chocolates from behind her desk. Oh no. Not more gifts. I had suddenly realised that gifts from girls that were currently being chased after by jealous men had become bad luck for me. I took the box, grinning and thanking her. I turned to leave again, but the annoying old woman stopped me again.

"Wait... This is from Dia, also!" she said, handing me some chocolate. Oi...

"Oh, um, thanks again!" I said, placing another box on top of Gina's. I turnde to leave once again when...

"Wait.. THIS chocolate is from... me." she said, raising her eyebrows at me, and winking. I shuddered. Perverted old women should _not _be allowed to give chocolate to young, good-looking men like me!

"Th... Thanks, Martha." I said, eye twitching slightly as my pile grew larger. She giggled and blushed. Ugh, someone get me a bucket, I think I'm gonna puke.

I turned to leave, but paused at the door. Crap, I could not walk out in public with a stash of chocolate like this. I'll get jumped for sure!

I needed a plan. I could run like hell to my house, hide the chocolate, and never return to the outside world. Or I could just eat all of it right now, get fat, and risk getting stuck in the doorframe of the clinic. I think I'll go with Plan A. I opened the door, stuck my head out and looked around. Phew, No jealous bachelors in sight. The coast was clear. I moved along stealthily, my eyes shifting in every direction, trying to avoid as many people as possible on my way back to the winery.

With the Paradise Winery in sight, I broke into a run, hoping I wouldn't slip on the ice, fall and break my neck. I kept running, when two figures came out of no where. I bumped into them and fell to the floor, chocolate falling everywhere. Aw Crap, and it was perfectly good chocolate too. However, as I was rubbing my head, I realised it wouldn't be much of an issue as I looked up and saw Ann and Ellen holding yet more chocolate.

" Ooooh Daaaaann!" they said, or rather, sang. It felt like an old-fashioned horror flick as they stared down at me lying on the ground, their eyes glinting maniacally.

"Let me give him my chocolate first!" Ellen said, grinning.

"No wait, mine! I made it myself!" Ann said.

"Mine's home made as well, of course. No need to buy anything fancy."

"Yes but I used my tools to make it!"

"I used the best milk from my best cows just for you, Danny-wan!"

"But... but Ellen! I made mine especially for him! It's shaped like a cupid!"

"Mine is shaped like a heart... Much more traditional!"

"But it took me FOREVER to carve this chocolate into a cupid! I had to use my power-tools!"

"Well either way Dan wants MY chocolate first!"

"But I need to recite my love poem to him as he eats it..."

"Oh, and my love song, you reminded me! Ehem..."

Dear Harvest goddess... this was too much! Too, too much! I grabbed the chocolate from them and ran to the nearest building, Cafe Kalaui, leaving them to squabble over it before they realised that I, along with the chocolate, had gone. I entered it, slamming the door behind me and hoping to find peace in the small tea shop. I hope they wouldn't be offended... Oh well, I'll have to make a public apology to the entire village after this fiasco.

The smell of tea being brewed was all around the Cafe, and I took a seat at one of the small circular tables. It was deserted, with no one in sight. I saw Katie come up to me, looking slightly more sane than most of the girls today.

"Hi there, Dan! We just finished serving our last brunch special here. Sorry! All the valentines couples came early this morning, I'm surprised you didn't come." she said.

"I didn't have a Valentine..." I said sheepishly.

"That's odd..." she said, her eyes slowly moving towards the small stack of chocolate boxes I had accumalated through-out the day.

"Eheheh, long story." I said.

"Well, how about I get us some Tea and pastries and you can tell me about it? I'm free to talk." she said, her eyes glinting. I agreed, having nothing better to do. Afterall, I was safe with the not-so-boy-crazy Katie. I mean heck, she had a crush on Carl, the least masculine guy in Flowerbud Village.

Katie dissapeared into the kitchen for a while, and I laid back in my chair. What a weird day, honestly. Though... I did enjoy the attention. Heheh, and all those happy moments. My run-in with Gwen... that moment at the Library... Being fondled by Nina and Lyla... Such fond memories!

Katie reappeared after a few minutes, holding a tray like a professional waitress. She placed it down on the table.

"So what kind of pastries are you serving today?" I said, sipping my tea. She held up a small plate filled with what looked like...

"Chocolate, of course! It's Valentines' Day, silly. Anyway, have some, on the house, think of it as my gift to you, Dan!" she said, winking. My head began to swirl and I got dizzy.

"Ch...Ch...CHOCOLATE EVERYWHERE!" I yelled, running out of Cafe Kalaui, leaving Katie with a puzzled, slightly offended, and confused look on her face. Boy, I must have looked like a raving lunatic.

I ran as fast as I could in the opposite direction of the Cafe when I realised I had just put myself in a danger zone. I was back in the middle of town square, far, far away from the safety of the winery. Oh no... It was quiet. Too quiet. Far too quiet. I've seen enough movies to know what this meant. The wind whistled through the trees and I almost felt how heavy the air was.

Slowly, appearing from behind buildings, out of shops, behind trees, several angry, jealous bachelors appeared. Nine, in fact... CRAP! NINE! Their eyes glinted slightly maniacally, each clutching a club, pitchfork, axe, or a number of other blunt instruments capable of causing serious damage. I saw Kurt clutching an axe, Carl with a basket of tomatoes, Leif holding a club, Louis and Parsley both holding long... pointy ... sticks? Azuma was there, holding a large metal pole. Joe was clutching his hammer, Bob with a large hoe, and Blue with a pitchfork. Crap... CRAP!

I broke out into a run, not knowing where I was heading, but anywhere away from the jealous men of Flowerbud Village was fine. My feet occasionally slipped on the ice, but there was no time to think about that. I ran as fast as I could, as fast as my damn feet could carry me.

The angry mob behind me, yelling and chasing after me, I headed for the building straight in front of me, not caring what it was. However, things only got scarier when several girls appeared out of no where - Lyla, Nina, Ellen, Ann, and Katie. Their smiles were wide and slightly terrifying.

"Oh Daaaaaann... We have more CHOCOLATE for you... please accept our feelings!" They all said in unison, once again reminding me of a horror film. This only riled up the boys behind me. Hearing their girls say that to me had made them furious! They quickened their pace and I began to pant. Jeez, this was enough excersize for a year!

The girls now chasing after me, some villagers popped their heads out of their respective buildings to see what the commotion was about. They just stared in curiosity, some acctually sitting down to enjoy the show. God dammit, wouldn't any of them HELP me!

I ran and ran and ran, the wind whipping my already chapped face, until I reached the building. WIthout taking the time to register in my mind which one it was, I opened the door, ran inside, slammed it and leaned on it with my whole body. I looked around the building now that it was safe and realised... I was in the bar! My... original destination! Oh thank the Harvest Goddess! I saw a single blonde girl facing the wall behind the counter, wiping a glass as the muffled yells continued outside. It was Eve.

How could I forget about Eve on Valentines' Day! I locked the Bar's door and went to the counter, dumping the chocolate on the counter.

"Hey Eve!" I said, in a would-be-casual voice, if not for the fact that the day had completely stressed me out. I soaked in the warmth of the building. I huffed and puffed as I took a seat. Eve did not turn around.

"You don't mind if I lay low here, do you? I might be in mortal danger if I step outside again..."I said, half-joking. Eve did not turn around. I saw her wipe her eye for a second.

"Hey, you okay Eve?"

That got her attention. She turned around, furious and slammed her hands on the counter.

"Why should I help protect you! If anything, I should be hanging you like a pinãta in front of that crowd! You two... no, you nine-timing jerk! I NEVER should've gotten involved with a ladies' man like you!" she said all in one breath, fiercely. She ended her lecture perfectly with a slap in the face.

Ouch, like I hadn't been through enough physical torment today!

"I _saw _you flirt with all those girls! Youenjoy all that attention, don't you!" she shouted at me.

I cowered... was it not too late to face the angry mob instead of Eve's wrath?

"I... I'm sorry?" I hoped it would work. She raised her hand to slap me again, but simply sighed and sat down.

"No... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have accused you like that. If you really do like Maria or Katie or any of those other girls, then... ugh, whatever, it's your decision. It's not like I care." Eve said. She appeared to be battling with her own feelings. Stubborn till the end, she is.

"Well no... Eve, I used to enjoy all this but... well things have changed!" I said, kind of blushing myself now. Which was weird for me.

"Wh... What do you mean?" she said, as if she didn't care. She turned around and began wiping the same glass again, even though it was already sparkling.

"I just mean... Well It's not about all the other girls any more... I guess it's just that, I found feelings for..." I trailed off. "Ah well, you wouldn't care."

"Wait, feelings for who...?" Eve said, her blonde hair whipping around as she did. Damn, she would be great for a Shampoo Commercial... Wait, Dan, do NOT ruin the moment.

"Well.. for..." I stuttered.

She looked at me in silence, a bit of red creeping into her cheeks. I was about to open my mouth again, but Eve had opened the drawer of the cabinet behind her.

She pulled out a golden box in the shape of a heart with an arrow sticking through it.

"I... I imagined you'd be sick of chocolate after all that but..." she blushed in embarassment.

"N-No Eve! I don't mind!" I said, grinning and taking the chocolate from her. I opened it and popped one in my mouth. It was sweeter than any of the chocolate the other girls had given me.

Eve blushed again, this time a shade to rival the tomatoes that Kurt had dropped on Carl. After eating a second one, I looked up at Eve's face, an inch away from my mine. I could almost feel her eyelashes touching mine. I moved my face closer, going for the win.

Suddenly, Eve pulled her face away from mine.

"Umm... Dan! I can help you, just follow me." she said, getting up, her face bright red.

I got up, dissapointed by my miss. We walked around the counter to a door.

"Here, use the backdoor and go back to the Winery... I'll... I'll see you around, I guess." Eve said.

"Yeah.. Thanks for the chocolate." I said, my stomach suddenly glowing within me. I took advantage of the moment, moved my head close to hers and kissed her firmly on the lips. At first she tried to get away, but I embraced her, held her. She began to kiss back, and in no time our tongues were having a battle of saliva in each others' mouthes.

"Happy... Happy Valentines Day." I said, when we finally broke apart. She stood there, blushing, looking like a beautiful doll, and I left through the back door to the path to the winery, devoid of people.

What a day. I finally understood how scary Valentines' Day can be, but at the same time, how rewarding it could be. At least some good came out of it - I have a mountain of chocolate, succeeded in making every man in town jealous, and got a kiss out of Eve. Yep, I have to admit, it may have been painful, embarassing, and tiring, but Valentines' Day was still my favourite day of the year. Ah, the fourteenth of winter, a scary, scary day for most men, but not myself.

I entered my room in the Winery, plopping down on to my bed, savouring some of the happier moments of the day until I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours yet, bruises healed, and mentally refreshed. Wait, I was only asleep for two or three hours... How could all that have healed ...?

Then it hit me. I was just dreaming! The whole day was a dream! It was still morning, I bet, and I'm sure everything will go just as smoothly as I had planned.

I got up to wash my face when I noticed something on my bed-side table. I gasped in horror and looked closer at it. It was...

...a box of chocolates. (Insert Dramatic Music Here xD)

The End!


End file.
